Of Orders and Instincts
by Elizabeth Springfield
Summary: His orders still nagged him viciously, but the idea of following them scared him even more than what would happen if he didn't. Oneshot, contains OC


**I've been wanting to write a Supernatural fic. for a while now, but I haven't been able to get all my ideas together. Here's a oneshot I whipped up instead~**

* * *

The faint fluttering of feathers announced Castiel's entrance to the modest apartment. The owner turned her attention away from an aged leather book to peer at him with familiar gray eyes. "Cas," she murmured, her gravelly voice laced with surprise. "Where have you been?"

The male angel tried to ignore the itch at the back of his mind, his orders. Orders? He tried to remember who gave them and why he would ever follow them. His head tilted to the side as he racked his brain.

Amy examined him for a moment before standing in front of him, taking his hand with both of hers. "Are you alright, _Graa de zimz Monons_?"

The Enochian brought him back to his surroundings. Amaranth hadn't slept for days. He could feel the exhaustion practically radiating from her scantily clad body. "Fine."

Amy tucked a rebellious strand of her dark hair behind her ear. "I may not have been able to take back all my grace but I can tell when you're lying." She dropped his hand and popped her hip out stubbornly, locking her knees.

He smiled gently at the common stance and pulled her into an embrace. She smelled of citrus and artificial food flavors. His orders still nagged him viciously, but the idea of following them scared him even more than what would happen if he didn't.

Amy kissed the corner of his mouth hesitantly, questioning his unusual reserve around her. Ever since he had stumbled upon her during the Apocalypse, he'd been protective and open with her. Now…now he was quiet and closed off. She couldn't read the emotions in his eyes or understand his silence.

Castiel grounded his mind, examining the stained white carpet instead of trying to fight the whirlwind of thoughts in his mind. He loved her. He _loved _her. He couldn't follow his orders, he didn't believe that his soul mate could have betrayed him. How could she be to blame for being Lucifer's favorite sister when it was God who had ordered Lucifer to train her? How could any of it be her fault?

Amy's eyes widened as blood dripped down from Castiel's nose. She didn't speak as she located a box of Kleenex and dabbed at it tenderly. "What have you been doing, Castiel?" Her voice was stern with concern.

Again, he seemed to ignore her. The same crimson red dribbled out of his tear ducts, leaving a trail down his face. His orders screamed in his head, piercing his very being until he could no longer suppress the obedience inside of him. The cool, slim hilt of his Angel Sword slid into his palm from his trench coat's sleeve. "I will always love you."

Amy tilted her head at him, processing his words. "You're scaring me, Cas."

Castiel looked at her, the angel he had known since the beginning. He hadn't spent enough time with her before Michael cut her grace out of her unwilling body and cast her down to Earth to live as a human, to live with no memories of ever being divine and pure. He wanted to make up for the lost time, to stay with her every waking moment.

His hand lunged out, plunging the smooth silver blade into his lover's stomach. Her mouth opened in a silent cry and she gasped, wrapping her fingers into his stomach. She looked up at him, her eyes clouded with confusion and betrayal. "C-Cas?" she coughed, the tang of iron on her tongue.

"I'm sorry," he caught her as she fell to her knees, lowering her carefully to the ground. The blue of her grace shone through the stab wound; slowly growing more intense the closer she came to death. Climaxing, light swelled up blindingly until it exploded in a final flash, leaving a burnt imprint of her cloaked wings. Her dull eyes were unfocused, looking off somewhere above his head.

The fog cleared from Castiel's mind, relieving the pressure that had gradually been building up. "Amaranth," he breathed, pulling his blade out of her gut. "_Amaranth_." His eyes burned with the emotions his vessel was capable of using to express his grief. "What have I done?"

He felt the pull of Naomi's call on his being, but he fought it. He pulled Amy's limp body into his chest, stroking her hair. Already, her vessel was losing heat. "Oh, God. Father, what have I done?" he hunched over her, hiding his face.

Hot tears fell down his cheeks, dripping down his nose and onto her face. The pain and loss ate at his body from the inside out, racking his vessel with uncontrollable sobs.

When his emotions were drained, he whispered in Enochian to her until the sun came and went. His strength dwindled with it until he could no longer resist Naomi's summons. He kissed Amy's cold lips one last time before he was drawn away from Earth.


End file.
